Having come to rely on a local Instagram account as our conduit to the outside world, our schedule had come to consist of only leaving the house to collect mail from the letterbox and stand by the O-Bahn entrance waiting for unsuspecting motorists to drive on to the track.
Following a largely one-sided stoush with Adelaide’s premier destination for jokes targeting the city’s fat, poor and mentally ill, the editors of this publication have been left blocked and without access to the ShitAdelaide Instagram account.
Mentors at the Adelaide Rehabilitation for ShitAdelaide Emancipation (ARSE) Centre have devised an intensive three month transition for this publication’s editors into life without the richness of ShitAdelaide.
‘People are blocked from ShitAdelaide for a variety of reasons’, says Ulmer Plums head of rehabilitation at the centre. ‘Incorrect spelling. Pointing out incorrect spelling. Asking that admins stop posting videos of the mentally ill without their consent. But what we don’t see are the side-effects after the blocking. That’s what we’re here for’.
‘South Australians rely on ShitAdelaide as a healthy way to laugh at themselves. Of course by that I mean “a healthy way to laugh at those less fortunate or fatter than them”. When people lose this release, they can become well-adjusted or even sympathetic to others. It really is an awful situation’.
‘What we have done for these Adelaide Mail boys is develop an all-encompassing three month course. They’re in their first month of treatment right now, which involves finding poor people on the tram, secretly filming them and then saying things like “dis you” to their mates. They’re doing great so far’.
Editor’s note: We assure that this is definitely not just sour grapes. Nope. I mean what would we do with 227K followers anyway? You know? Probably just make annoying references to Caleb Bond all the time. We are definitely not going to resort to lowest common denominator content in order to grow our following, you can be sure of that...by the way, if you do happen to have any videos of poor people parking badly while wearing crude t-shirts please send them to us.